Care Talk 1
Care Rituals and the Myth of Quality Time
Guidance for families home with young children during COVID-19
Many people have been saying that the stay-at-home directives have suddenly turned us all into home schoolers. But, as my homeschool friends have reminded me, quarantine schooling is not home schooling. Home school children are intimately connected to their communities. They join art classes, take music lessons, and share cooperative learning circles in living rooms. Quarantine schooling is like nothing any of us have ever experienced before. I start on that note because I want to acknowledge the frontier we are all embarking upon. There is no map, and the most essential message we need now, is about care. How can we be gentler and kinder with ourselves and our children as we all pioneer this new terrain? How can we care for one another?
Care Rituals: Care rituals are the anchors in the daily schedule that provide predictability and safety for children (and for adults). The foundation for a daily rhythm is built upon our physical needs at meal time, bath time, and bed time. As we think about our new stay-at-home schedules, let’s think of ways that our care rituals support our connection with one another. Don’t treat care as drudgery. Honor meal time, bath time and bed time as the most valuable part of the day. Honoring care rituals does not mean you need to make elaborate meals or turn every-day-rituals like brushing your child’s hair into precious moments. It just means to be present and appreciate the miracle of the ordinary. Honoring care is an invitation to relax. Society has taught us to categorize time as “quantity time” or “quality time” and I believe we should toss those categories aside. What I’ve noticed is that the idea of quality time causes parents to feel a lot of pressure and a good deal of guilt. We’ve come to associate quality time as something extra - like enrichment or entertainment - such as building a tree house or going to a puppet show together. I believe that the truest quality time is built little by little, day by day, through our responsive care. When we honor care, we learn to see that it is through the everyday mundane caring rituals, that we build trust in one another, find our belonging in the world, and learn what love is.
Here's a short article I wrote about the pedagogy of care.
And here is a 3 minute zoom talk about how CARE is what builds humans!
© Carol Garboden Murray, 2020
Abigail Lundquist Botstein Nursery School, Bard College
Annandale-on-the-Hudson, NY R
Care Rituals and the Myth of Quality Time
Guidance for families home with young children during COVID-19
Many people have been saying that the stay-at-home directives have suddenly turned us all into home schoolers. But, as my homeschool friends have reminded me, quarantine schooling is not home schooling. Home school children are intimately connected to their communities. They join art classes, take music lessons, and share cooperative learning circles in living rooms. Quarantine schooling is like nothing any of us have ever experienced before. I start on that note because I want to acknowledge the frontier we are all embarking upon. There is no map, and the most essential message we need now, is about care. How can we be gentler and kinder with ourselves and our children as we all pioneer this new terrain? How can we care for one another?
Care Rituals: Care rituals are the anchors in the daily schedule that provide predictability and safety for children (and for adults). The foundation for a daily rhythm is built upon our physical needs at meal time, bath time, and bed time. As we think about our new stay-at-home schedules, let’s think of ways that our care rituals support our connection with one another. Don’t treat care as drudgery. Honor meal time, bath time and bed time as the most valuable part of the day. Honoring care rituals does not mean you need to make elaborate meals or turn every-day-rituals like brushing your child’s hair into precious moments. It just means to be present and appreciate the miracle of the ordinary. Honoring care is an invitation to relax. Society has taught us to categorize time as “quantity time” or “quality time” and I believe we should toss those categories aside. What I’ve noticed is that the idea of quality time causes parents to feel a lot of pressure and a good deal of guilt. We’ve come to associate quality time as something extra - like enrichment or entertainment - such as building a tree house or going to a puppet show together. I believe that the truest quality time is built little by little, day by day, through our responsive care. When we honor care, we learn to see that it is through the everyday mundane caring rituals, that we build trust in one another, find our belonging in the world, and learn what love is.
Here's a short article I wrote about the pedagogy of care.
And here is a 3 minute zoom talk about how CARE is what builds humans!
© Carol Garboden Murray, 2020
Abigail Lundquist Botstein Nursery School, Bard College
Annandale-on-the-Hudson, NY R